For the first time since I am here I woke up this morning with the sun in my eyes. I have no idea why, since it’s not like we never had a clear morning or sunrise since November, but I guess it has something to do with the height of the sun or something. I felt warm and GOOD. Boy, have I missed this feeling. The last weeks can be easily summed up with all semantical variations of tired and exhausted. And I am glad. Because obviously it wasn’t my fault, but the general biochemical drop down of January/February dragged into March by the weather gods…
But of course I wouldn’t be ‘fretting-and-sadder-than-real-and-conflicted’ girl if I could have just have a nice 10 minute waking up moment with nothing to worry about. *ggg*
Well, the protocol is back. The count down. The ‘I still have to do X, then Y, then Z and then I have to go back to G, because I frigging forgot to mention H…’ ranting of my subconscious mind. It’s a monologue my mind does. Either when I am falling asleep, but haven’t managed to actually sleep or when I am slowly waking up (as opposed to my normal: HEY! I am awake and jump right out of bed!-Routine).
This is how it goes:
- exactly evaluating how many days and thus hours I have to meet the deadline (column one)
- exactly the amount of pages I still have to write (second column beside the time line, of course twice as long as the time column)
- bits and pieces of the actual talk or lines I want to include (of course this doesn’t make any sense since I forget them by the time I am in front of the PC)
- anticipated questions by the audience and various images of me, red faced, thinking up an appropriate answer
Don’t get me wrong, this is by no means your average ‘I am naked in front of the class having a talk’-dream or something along those lines. Really not. To me it seems that it is a necessary last-hours protocol counting down. The first time I really consciously can remember this happening was when I was 4 weeks before entering the finals and I still had 90 pages to write and I was to lame to get my stuff together.
Now on the other hand it’s three days before D-Day that my mind finally decided to send me the famous last ‘kick in the butt’. And this morning – with the sun in my back and a nice anticipation of the spring (cheers Frank, I wasn’t patient as you told me to be, but it came anyway) – I have the following to say to my subconscious mind:
WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG?!
*lol*
Addition:
OK. now that I have fully regained all functionality of my eyes after taking this shot, I can post the picture that illustrates this morning:
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