Novelties.

Posted by yseult on Jul 1, 2011 in Personal

How we dare. And when we should.

It’s been a long while since I’ve been writing here. The main reason is the obvious big changes in my life that started with a long move, a new job and a pregnancy last year and has continued with a new way of life with little one, a return to work that challenged me in ways I wouldn’t have thought possible, and a completely new perspective on my philosophical life and views. That’s the first reason: changes that lead to lack of time. Or rather, prioretising that leads to less time for blogging, outreach and communication through social media.

The other reason is that for quite a while since the birth of my daughter, I felt like I didn’t have anything to say about the chosen topic of this blog. It sounds silly in retrospective. Of course I still have a lot to say, and of course my view on the world and the way we apprehend reality has been hugely influenced by all these changes, and not little by the last one: giving birth.
But maybe that’s the most obvious answer to the ‘why’ in the question: why so silent?

Giving birth is huge and it changes you. So fundamentally and so basically that silence is the only way to react to it. That silent marveling at the profound truth and secret understanding that comes with holding your first child in your arms, watching it sleep, hearing it breathe and then see it everyday conquer this world without fear and respite… it’s humbling.

But, as with anything, as intellectuals we see things differently, and maybe, just maybe we also live things differently, and so… after that long while of absence and silence, I’ve come to the conclusion that I will have to write about it. Share how we do it, how we overcome the difficult moments when at 3 in the morning you start losing patience due to lack of sleep, how breastfeeding is a challenge that cannot be won by just wanting it enough or how much fathers really do matter.

Of all of that more, here, in my attic.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone, I am glad to be back.

The Western Burka.

Posted by yseult on Jul 8, 2011 in Issues, Politics/History

Between the controversy of France banning the burka and the niqab this year, and Switzerland battling between banning the tschador in schools, during basketball games or when working in the Berne county administration, the arguments for either side often get lost in the emotions linked to this discussion.

While one side prones their right to the expression of their religious feelings, the opposing masses accentuate the religious-free modern state (when the argument needs to be rationally oriented) or redefine the burka as a symbol of female submission. I favour the last argument, because wearing either the tschador or the burka is Islamic law and not the expression of the islamic religion. The difference might be small for some, but decisive for me. I – as a Catholic – wouldn’t in my right mind as for the Catholic law to be applied in my everyday life or a return to the first inquisitional trial system when the state had no jurisdiction.

But this article is not about the burka per se, and I do not wish to go deeper into this particular discussion.

No. This article is about the Western version of the burka.

The nursing cover.

Never heard of a nursing cover before? Then please take a look is now advertised as one of the latest must haves for the soon-to-be or new mother.

Usually the reasoning goes as this (please note that I am describing the specific case as you’d encounter it in the US. Things are going this same direction in the rest of the world as well, however):

• Version 1. Since people don’t like to see naked boobs, these things are great for covering up.

If then, you have the impossible idea to argue against that, follows…

• Version 2. Since you really don’t want to show your boobs in public, these are still great for covering up.

This is what I would like to call the “naked boob-fallacy” in breastfeeding in public. What it suggests is that in any case, without any choice or other possibility, if you want to breastfeed, you have to expose your breast to the rest of the world around you. And since that is the case, you really should think about covering up. Like this.
I have been breastfeeding for over 6 months now, three months of those I have done it in public at least once a day (in a busy cafeteria at noon, to be quite precise) and I can tell you that I haven’t either flashed anything at anyone that could have been considered indecent by the greatest puritan standards, nor have I ever covered up either with a blanket or a nursing cover.

There are techniques for that, there are tricks to master which make breastfeeding in public as discrete as sitting in a doctor’s waiting room and nursing your 3 month old without any of the attendance even noticing or batting a lash. Sure, it takes time, it certainly takes some practice (which with friend is easily controlled), but the main point is: it is doable. Breastfeeding in public doesn’t mean flashing boobs.

We don’t have to rediscuss the particular problem of the US and their odd legislation in some states that prohibits breastfeeding in public at all or above a certain age, their weird attitude that allows them to not even blink at breasts in any kind of sexualised context, but scream in disgust at the sight of a drinking baby on the breast, but what we need to discuss are the reasons that make nursing covers the last trend. Why ‘covering up’ is necessary. Why a lot of people think, that breastfeeding needs to be done privately.

Because the reasons behind such attitudes, are the same that kept our grandmothers out of the public eye, refused suffrage to women on account of their supidity, advocated bottle feeding because there simply was no way that a woman’s milk could be better than what science had to offer.

Breastfeeding is a very special and very tricky thing at the same time. They key to a successful relationship between baby and mother that will make breastfeeding such an important part in both their lives is trust. Trust in your baby, trust in yourself as a mother, trust that you can find ways to solve problems, trust that you are enough and that you do enough… I could continue the list for a long while here.
Critique, side looks, the atmosphere that you are doing something wrong, the pressure to not feed in public because people might find it gross or indecent or wrong and lastly the automated link that has become so obvious between sex and breasts, make for immense pressure on new mums at a time when so many things are redefined for them. Their self-image, their self-appreciation, their role in life, their role in society, their status etc. etc.

Hiding is a natural reaction to all these changes. Hiding behind a nursing cover promises calm and protection from prying eyes. This is the wrong way to gain more understanding for breastfeeding or new mothers. All it does is draw even more attention to it. With the small addition of an act of concession that breastfeeding needs to be hidden. Needs to be done privately. Needs to be something odd that nobody wants to see.

When in truth it is the largest and most important building stone of the first lovestory your baby will experience. La Leche League says that breastfeeding is as much about communication as it is about feeding. As much about emotion, as it is about sustenence.

Nursing covers on the other hand are all about submission to the standards of a twisted vision, about breaking trust instead of furthering it.

Breastfeeding is something to be proud of and any mother that has breastfeed and seen how many pounds and kilos their kid has put on only with the help of their millk, will confirm this. Breastfeeding and milk production are hard work. It makes you tired, it challenges you, it draws on you even when you think you have nothing more to give and it pushes you to the limits of your love, but at the same time it helps you through the sleepless nights, gives you the confidence you need to let your little one start exploring that great world (because after all, sooner or later, she’ll need to eat… with you!) and it puts you in the middle of every single development of your child. You are the one that will know exactly when baby girl can hold her head, know how much she can flex her muscles, know her tells and her signs of fatigue.

Breastfeeding is that and so much more. WHY would we want to limit that to the private sphere? Hide it under a blanket or a cover? Why not show it outside and to the world?

Take a precious look at the picture that opens the main article of the last issue of ‘Breastfeeding Today’ (5/2011) by LLLI. Look into the eyes of these proud Guatemalteca, these shameless mothers.

That’s what proud breastfeeding looks like. And as mothers, as women, we have a right to feel like that. In public.

Please note that this article by no means is intended to pressure any woman to breastfeed. If you decide not to, the choice is yours, as are your reasons. This is a plaidoyer for visible breastfeeding, not against bottle feeding mothers.